How to Handle Valentine’s Day in a New Relationship

Reader ApprovedHow to Handle Valentine's Day in a New Relationship

Three Parts:Talking About It and Making a PlanGetting a Gift or CardPicking an EventCommunity Q&A

Valentine’s Day for new couples may feel as awkward as a 10-ton gorilla doing ballet, given that your feelings for one another are very new and you're not sure where your relationship is headed. Whether you’ve been on only one date or have been seeing each other for a few weeks, the dreaded red-hearted holiday can make even the most confident dater feel insecure about how to approach the holiday. However, having a simple conversation about the holiday or picking a low-key gift or event can take the stress out of the day and turn it into something you enjoy.


Part 1 Talking About It and Making a Plan

  1. 1 Ignore it if it's too soon. If you've only been on a date or two, it's probably best to ignore Valentine's Day altogether. Jumping on a romantic holiday may push your potential date away, so it's probably a good idea to skip it for this year.[1]
  2. Image titled Be Feminine Step 3 2 Ask yourself what you really want. Think about how long you've been in the relationship, and how much you realistically expect the other person to contribute. If you think dinner and a card is reasonable, get the other person a card and ask him or her out to dinner on or near the day.[2]
  3. Image titled Act Around a Guy You Like Step 15 3 Talk to your new crush. One way to alleviate the stress is to simply talk to your crush about it. You can suggest keeping it low-key since you're new to the relationship, as well as make a plan for a nice dinner or an outing if you'd like.[3]
    • For instance, you could say, "Our relationship is still pretty new. Why don't we keep Valentine's Day low-key? We could say no gifts, though cards are fine. Do you want to have a nice dinner together?"
    • Ask the other person what they think of Valentine’s Day. Some folks actually despise the holiday, referring to it as a “Hallmark” holiday. It might be a good idea to even take the other person’s temperature about how they even feel about it before pursuing a date on the day. For example, you could say, "I know our relationship is still in the early stages, so I thought maybe we could talk about what we want to do for Valentine's Day. Are you a fan of the holiday, or do you prefer to ignore it?"
    • Discuss the fact that you’ve only been dating a short time and that you're both now confronted with a highly romantic holiday. Be honest about how bizarre it is to begin a new relationship as other couples are declaring their love from the rooftops. Let the other person know that you get the fact that both of you may not be ready just yet for poems and love songs. As an example, you could say, "So, Valentine's Day is coming up. I don't really know how to treat it since we haven't been dating very long. What do you think we should do? I know we're probably not ready for poems or love songs, haha, but I thought I would bring it up."
    • One option is agreeing to ignore Valentine's Day altogether if you're both happy with that option.
  4. Image titled Be a Lesbian Step 15 4 Make a compromise. If you both want different things, try to make a compromise. For instance, if your new crush prefers something fancy, but you'd prefer to keep it low-key, maybe you could settle for a fancy home-cooked dinner. If you like to do it up big, but your crush seems uncomfortable with that, try to tone it down a bit. If your new crush is a someone who gets you, you should be able to find a reasonable compromise.

Part 2 Getting a Gift or Card

  1. Image titled Be a Good Boyfriend Step 12 1 Keep it simple. At this point in the game, you don't want to be too extravagant, as you can scare the other person off. A diamond necklace is over-the-top and too much if the relationship is still new. However, flowers or a nice box of candy may go over well.[4]
    • Definitely keep it under $50 if you've only been dating a month or two.[5]
    • Also, it's a good idea to skip any type of sexy or sexual gift (such as lingerie) this early in the relationship. You don't want to scare the person off.
  2. Image titled Know if That Person Truly Loves You Step 10 2 Try a cute card. You may not want to get too mushy at this point, but a little mushiness mixed with some humor is fine. For instance, you may not want to pick a card that says "I'll love you forever!" but a whimsical card that says "I think you're cute!" or "You make my heart go pitter-patter!" would work better. [6]
  3. Image titled Be a Good Boyfriend Step 19 3 Bake something. Another option is to bake your new crush a sweet treat. A batch of brownies or cookies is thoughtful, but you're not throwing a huge amount of money at the person.
  4. Image titled Tell a Guy You Like Him Step 9 4 Gift your favorite book or movie. This gift is personal, as you're giving a bit of yourself to the other person. However, it's not so personal that you'll drive the other person away. It's sweet and thoughtful, but not over-the-top. Just be sure you know your crush's preferred method of reading books (digital or book form) or watching movies. As an added bonus, you could watch the movie together on Valentine's Day.[7]
    • Don't forget to add a note in the cover if you give a book, including why you enjoy it. It can act as card and gift.
  5. Image titled Make a Long Distance Relationship Work Step 3 5 Go with a classic. Flowers, candy, and wine are always good gifts, but try to do it with a bit of a twist. For instance, if you get flowers, consider getting a pretty potted plant that will continue to bloom or a small pot of succulents. If you know his or her favorite candy or wine, wrap it up in a pretty package.[8]

Part 3 Picking an Event

  1. Image titled Decide on a Partner Type Step 7 1 Consider just getting drinks. A nice, no-pressure event for Valentine's Day could be going to have drinks. If alcohol isn't your thing, you could get coffee instead. That way, you don't have the pressure of creating a monumentally romantic evening.[9]
  2. Image titled Get a Thigh Gap Step 8 2 Try cooking a nice meal. If you're far enough along in your relationship that you want more than just drinks, try cooking a meal for your lover. It's not as big an expenditure as a fancy restaurant, but it still shows you're thinking about the person.
  3. Image titled Get a Girl to Fall in Love with You Step 18 3 Go out around the holiday. If the relationship is still new, maybe you want to acknowledge the holiday somehow. However, with restaurants so busy on the day and lots of pressure about being in love, maybe it's best not to go out on the actual day. Instead, try going out the day before or after. That way, you still have a good time, but there's not as much pressure.
  4. Image titled Kiss a Girl Step 2 4 Take a stroll through a park or have a picnic. Another low-key event is to go on a picnic in the park. That way, you don't have the pressure of going to a fancy restaurant, and you can just enjoy each other's company. Plus, you have the added bonus of swing sets if you are the playful type.
  5. Image titled Make Valentine's Day Extra Special Step 1 5 Remember it's just one day. Valentine's Day is only special because the culture acknowledges it to be, but it's really just one day out of the year. Don't worry about it too much if your relationship is new. If it's meant to last, you'll have many Valentine's Days ahead to celebrate your love, though you can also celebrate it every day you spend together.[10]

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Part 1 Quiz

Why is it a good idea to talk to your new date about Valentine's Day?

So you can agree on how to treat it.

That's right! Long term couples are comfortable with showing affection and buying gifts, but your relationship might not be at that stage yet. Discussing the Valentine's Day question with your date will help take some of the pressure off. Read on for another quiz question.

So you have time to get them a great gift.

Not necessarily. You might both agree that you want to celebrate Valentine's Day with gifts and romantic gestures, and that's great! Still, it's important to take the temperature of the relationship before spending a lot of money. Choose another answer!

To find out if they're seeing anyone else.

Nope! If your date is seeing other people, that's something they should be upfront and honest about–and if they're not, you don't want them anyway. Either way, it's important to be open and communicative with your date to find out how they view the relationship before and after Valentine's Day! There’s a better option out there!

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Part 2 Quiz

Why is it a good idea to keep your gift lighthearted and fun?

Erotic gifts, like lingerie, can be too forward.

Close! While the heat level of every new relationship will change from person to person, you don't want to come across as too aggressive in a new relationship. Hopefully you'll get the chance to give it for the next gift as you grow closer! Guess again!

You don't want to spend too much money.

Almost! If you're just starting out in a new relationship, it's wise to keep the spending under $50. You don't know where the relationship is going and you don't want to come on too strong. There’s a better option out there!

It's nice to give something small and personal.

Try again! Movies or books are a great Valentine's Day gift, especially when you first start dating someone new. But if you can't quite find the perfect present, there are other tips to keep in mind for your date. There’s a better option out there!

You can't go wrong with classic gifts!

Almost! Classics, like wine or flowers, can definitely be spiced up, something a new date might love! Still, if you can't find the perfect red and all the roses are sold out, there are other important things to remember this Valentine's Day. There’s a better option out there!

All of the above.

That's right! There are many good reasons for keeping the gifts and cards for your new date simple and fun! Your relationship might very well blossom into something long term, but for now, take fun and exciting baby steps together! Read on for another quiz question.

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Part 3 Quiz

If your relationship is still very new, what is one way to celebrate Valentine's Day without feeling pressured?

Go for coffee instead of dinner.

That's right! Coffee or drinks might be a pleasant way to spend the evening without putting too much pressure on making a big, romantic event. Plus, you don't need Valentine's Day for romance, so don't worry about it and just enjoy! Read on for another quiz question.

Skipping the celebrations.

Not necessarily! If you both decide that you want to skip Valentine's Day this year, that's fine! But there are low-key ways to celebrate that leave you both having fun and feeling comfortable in your new relationship. Click on another answer to find the right one…

Go to a party.

Not exactly. While a group environment might take some of the pressure off the romance, you'll probably find yourselves answering a lot of questions. If you don't want to field the girlfriend/boyfriend inquisitions all night, consider a cozy night in instead. Click on another answer to find the right one…

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Community Q&A

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  • Don’t read any further into gifts or gestures on Valentine’s Day when you're a fresh couple. Instead of getting swept away with romance, focus on forming a bond of trust and friendship.


  • If you can’t come to an understanding or agreement about how you will both approach Valentine’s Day, back away or take a break on that day to avoid a misunderstanding.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5417/valentines-day-2014-dating/
  2. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/6-tips-to-avoid-valentines-day-traps/
  3. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/6-tips-to-avoid-valentines-day-traps/
  4. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/01/30/valentines-day-gifts-new-boyfriend_n_4696369.html
  5. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/01/30/valentines-day-gifts-new-boyfriend_n_4696369.html
  6. ↑ http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/valentines-day-cards-and-your-relationship/#.Vjm7Rr9lxj8
  7. ↑ http://www.today.com/style/perfect-valentines-day-gifts-your-relationship-status-t16
  8. ↑ http://www.today.com/style/perfect-valentines-day-gifts-your-relationship-status-t16
  9. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5417/valentines-day-2014-dating/
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-you/201502/how-valentines-day-is-ruining-relationships

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